• Education
  • Politics
  • Science & Technology
  • Top Stories
  • Health

Logo

Navigation
  • Home
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Fashion
  • Lifestyle
  • Sports
  • Top Stories
  • Subscribe

I Tried All the Sex From Fifty Shades Darker in 1 Weekend

By jennifer | on March 13, 2019 |
Entertainment Fashion Health

Two years ago, I did all the sex from Fifty Shades of Grey in one weekend and now I’m back to do it again with Fifty Shades Darker, because apparently I hate myself and also my husband. These books really teach you things about yourself, you know? I must note that we did not attempt some of the sex scenes, but that’s mainly because none of my friends would let me have sex on their boats, and also, I don’t know anyone with a boat. Help me, I’m poor.

How we did it: I love ice cream and so does my husband, so our two-day Fifty Shades Darker bang-a-thon was off to a great start! I was like, “Tie me up with one of those ties I bought you that you never wear, and then slather ice cream all over my body parts, and let’s do it!” and that’s what we did. The cold sensation from the ice cream and freezing spoon was a bit jarring on my nipples at first, but other than that, it was the *tits*. I get why people are into putting ice cubes on their nips; it’s a very lovely sensation! Then, my husband paused to eat a little ice cream (OK, he ate half the container; I was like, “Brah, I’m tied up here; let’s go!” but he insisted this is what Christian Grey did and so who was I to argue?).

After he was done with his ice cream feast, he went down on me and his mouth was cold at first, which I also dug, but after just a few seconds, it was hot again, so just normal oral sex. Which is always great. I’m not sure why there are other sex acts when oral sex exists. It’s so good. You know what’s not so good though? Cleanup. Between the sticky vanilla ice cream and various bodily excrements, it was grody. Christian Grey’s maid must really hate him. I mean, can you imagine cleaning the Red Room? I’m gagging. But other than that, it was off to a great start and we got to eat ice cream for breakfast. E. L. James knows what’s up!

How we did it: I had Ben Wa balls left over from last time and it will probably come as no small surprise that I hadn’t used them since 2015. They were in my jewelry box along with my grandmother’s pearls because I am v. respectful. I got them out, dusted them off (washed them thoroughly), bent over, and my husband pushed them into me. It was the same sensation as last time — just icy metal balls being shoved in my vaginal canal. Since we weren’t invited to a masquerade ball because we’re not characters in an E. L. James novel or the Phantom of the Opera, we went to a friend’s afternoon birthday party in a park. It was … awkward. There were a lot of kids there, and all I could think the whole time was, “I’VE GOT BALLS IN MY VAGINA.” I couldn’t help but wonder … how many other people here had Ben Wa ball up their privates? It’s prolly like 1 in 4, right?

Source By..

Share this story:
  • tweet

Author Description

Recent Posts

  • Jenelle Evans Is ‘Sick and Tired’ of Dating Rumors Amid David Eason Split
  • Tarek El Moussa’s Girlfriend Heather Rae Young Denies She Looks Like His Ex Christina Anstead
  • Khloe Kardashian Sends Message to Jordyn, Tristan and Anyone Else Who’s Ever ‘Hurt’ Her
  • Lucifer Fans Will Be Raving About the Final Ladies’ Night — 2020 FIRST LOOK
  • Johnny Manziel Bre Tiesi Files For Divorce

Subscription


  • All Categories
    Specific Categories

Make sure you do not miss interesting news by joining our newsletter program.
We do not do spam





By clicking on Subscribe, I confirm that I have read and agree to the terms set forth in the Privacy Policy and Terms of Service including TimesOfUs’s ability to use and share my information and TimesOfUs, or third-party companies and business partners, may send me offers for products and services at the email address I have provided. I understand that my information may be supplemented with additional information obtained from other sources.

Video widget

Tags

Apple applenews Capito Donald Trump Edwards’ statement Four GOP senators gadgetry gadgets Gaming gear Hillary Clinton Jerry Moran John Thune Kim Kardashian LaVar Bal Maci Mackenzie Standifer Mcconnell Michael Jordan Mike Lee Mitch mobile Obama Care Politics pop star President Obama Rand Paul Rihanna Rob Portman rock the boat. Ron Johnson Russia Russian meddling Russia scandal Ryan Edwards Sen. Ron Johnson Sen. Susan Collins Shelley Moore Susan Collins Teen Mom OG The Ball family Trump White House wwe Xanax

Recent Posts

  • Jenelle Evans Is ‘Sick and Tired’ of Dating Rumors Amid David Eason Split
  • Tarek El Moussa’s Girlfriend Heather Rae Young Denies She Looks Like His Ex Christina Anstead
  • Khloe Kardashian Sends Message to Jordyn, Tristan and Anyone Else Who’s Ever ‘Hurt’ Her
December 2019
M T W T F S S
« Nov    
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  

Times of US

Timesofus(TOUS) is a Comprehensive up-to-date news coverage, aggregated from sources all over the world.Times of US is a collection of online news and information with powerful news brands that deliver compelling, diverse and visually engaging stories of your choice.

Archives

  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact Us
© 2019. All Rights Reserved. Times of US | Privacy Policy